Above: The graffitti-filled corridor that leads to Soho hot spot Upstairs--just one of the many places where I punished my liver this weekend

Welcome back to the perma-hell that is your 9:00 to 5:00--or, as the case may be, 10:00 to 6:00. OK, fine, 10:30 to 6:00--after another weekend, one that was likely filled with various acts of depraved indifference of the liquid kind. This weekend alone, my drinking problem (and my poor choice in friends) led me to hit up Phebe's, Bowery Electric, Bella's, Pastis, Upstairs, Boss Tweeds and Whiskey Ward. In at least one case (that I recall), I wound up behind the bar, pouring my own shots, before the night was over. 

But there is no amount of liquor in my apartment on God's green earth that could ever cause a blackout so severe that I'd forget any part of what I witnessed Sunday night at The Tank, where a friend of mine performed in a play called "Sherri Zahad and Her Arabian Knights." The Village Voice recently described the show--which runs every Sunday and Wednesday at 7pm until April 30th--thus:

The Middle East is a big topic in theater these days—but taking an unusually lighthearted approach in yet another desert-set play is Laboratory Theater, whose new piece, "Sherri Zahad and Her Arabian Knights," turns Sir Richard Francis Burton's translation of the "Arabian Nights" into a Vegas lounge act.

The whole spectacle pretty much defies all logic, and though I don't suspect my friend will appreciate it, I've posted several short video clips on YouTube; I figure it doesn't really do any further damage to post them here. He's the one wearing the miniature novelty monkey hat and the jockstrap (oh, and sometimes he's also wearing a blazer, but mostly, it's just the jockstrap). Here's one--click through to view all 9 clips.

For those who hadn't heard, Greenpoint is the new Soho. Next up: t.b.d., a new bar opening soon on the corner of Franklin and Green. Gothamist

Beloved Bedford Street speakeasy Chumley's Bar may finally be on the road to reopening. Eater

Perez Hilton may get his own record label. And in other news, I'm getting my own brand of Scotch. Gawker

A Clinton supporter reportedly stabbed his Obama-loving brother-in-law, after an argument about their political differences. Oh snap! The Smoking Gun

Is Schiller's Liquor Bar immortalized in the new Richard Price book, "Lush Life"? And if so, does anyone care? NY Mag

Last week, Eater reported that popular Bowery bar Mannahatta had closed, and would in a matter of weeks, be relocating a few doors down to the space currently occupied by neighborhood watering hole, Crime Scene (the bar with the dancing girl in the window and the handcuffs on the bar). Well, apparently there's a little more to it than that...

It's true that Mannahatta is closed, but it's not taking over Crime Scene, per se. Rather, Crime Scene is taking over Manahatta--not the space, but the scene, crowd, staff and even the phone number. The owner of Crime Scene (who preferred not be named, but who remains the same) has done some basic cosmetic renovations, and has brought Mannahatta's Bill Fresco on board to help her recreate (and hopefully improve upon) the look and feel of the now-shuttered bar next door.

From the resident DJs, to the mild-mannered bartenders and waitresses, to the sweet-baddass doorman, Terry, the whole experience has moved a hop, skip, and a jump away. We decided to hire Bill as the Event Coordinator and all-around pied piper. The plan was to take the elements that have made both spots successful over the years and combine them into a more upscale venue for the Bowery... We are incorporating the entire "Mannahatta party" vibe, just in a more polished and exclusive environment.

So what does that mean, specifically? Well, Eater was correct to warn Crime Scene regulars that their "Primo buyback days are numbered." The "new" Crime Scene will be, well, a bona fide scene. Expect all your favorite New York hot spot policies to be in full effect: List-only access, table reservations and bottle service highly recommended (if not straight-up required), and--just in case you didn't get the memo about the Bowery becoming the new Meatpacking District--groups of dudes arriving without a good ratio of hot girls need not apply.

Crime Scene, take two, officially soft-opens tonight, and is supposedly 100 percent booked through the weekend, so don't bother trying to convince the doorman that you're a Crime Scene regular. In fact, that's probably the fastest way to alert everyone to the fact that you're no longer cool enough to get in.

Image borrowed from Laputan

As we reported several weeks ago, there's a new rock bar called National Underground now open in the space formerly known as Martignetti Liquors. As a former bartender at Martignetti's, I was compelled to check this one out for myself. Read my full review or peruse other New and Notable bar reviews on Citysearch.

By L. Cohen (and NOT Justine Goodman)

Last week, I headed to a new Lower East Side bar called Red Stripe to write a review for Citysearch (tough gig, I know), only to discover that it's already about to be a thing of the past.

The bar was originally supposed to be a reincarnation of Marc Solomon’s Soho lounge of the same name, which he sold in the '90s. But Solomon, who splits his time between New York and Miami, is no longer involved with the project, and owners Sean John, Dean Moodie and Brandon Liu have taken over the reins.

The first order of business was to change the name, which will now be Spur Tree (after a town in Jamaica). The new place will maintain its Jamaican flavor with an array of Caribbean food and drinks. And according to owner Sean John, Spur Tree will be more music-focused, with DJs spinning every night.

While the grand opening won't take place until Feb. 1, the bar is currently open Wednesdays through Saturdays. After Feb. 1, it'll be open Mondays through Saturdays.

Considering that Red Stripe/Spur Tree is currently without a liquor license, I have to give them props for creativity, offering an array of drinks that substitute hard liquor with sake. Take it from someone who had a few too many Dark and Stormy cocktails (a mixture of ginger beer and sake, instead of the traditional Caribbean rum), you'll hardly notice the difference.

Nearly one year after love-it-or-hate-it dive bar Martignetti Liquors closed its doors, a new rock bar called National Underground is set to open in the space as early as tomorrow, reports Urban Daddy. Judging from the photo, the new bar doesn't look all that different from 'Netti's (where, it should be known, I used to bartend). From what I can tell, singer/songwriter/owner Gavin DeGraw made some basic improvements, adding a fancy logo and foot/arm rail to the bar, in addition to some new light fixtures, tables and chairs, and a curtain sectioning off the elevated back area. The DJ booth and the tattered benches that once lined the right wall seem to have been ripped out to make room for a stage-less performance area, where DeGraw will supposedly use his "'industry clout' to put on a steady stream of acts worth seeing up close--think backstage at a Fever Dog show with a little Johnny Cash and Jack Daniels thrown in," says UD. The lower level bar may have undergone slightly more extensive improvements (including the addition of booths), but the general layout and infrastructure appear to be intact--no word yet on the leaky ceilings and less than stellar plumbing for which Martignetti Liquors was famous. Either way, it does seem safe to assume that many of the kids who can't flex their way into the Martignetti's newer venture may be eager to revisit the new incarnation of the beloved Houston Street bar, where they spent many a night tossing back $8 Warchild shots served in plastic cups and making out with strangers to the tune of "Jesse's Girl."

If all goes according to plan, National Underground will be open for business as of tomorrow, Thursday, December 20th.

(Photo courtesy of Urban Daddy.)

Who cares if you have to "work" during the day--kick off CMJ at Arlene's Grocery on Wednesday afternoon, 12pm-5pm, at Pirate!'s party, The Future, with sets by Tim Fite, Bella, Imperial Teen and others. Why should you go? Because the unnamed "very special guest" mentioned above happens to be none other than legendary British musician Billy Bragg, who will hit the stage promptly at noon. There's no need to RSVP, so start planting the seeds of an oncoming illness in your boss' mind now, call in sick on Wednesday morning and head to the Lower East Side to booze and schmooze the day away.

For more CMJ events, check our Hot List.

Fresh off "The Soprano's" big night at The Emmy Awards, it's back to work for Michael Imperioli, whose rock band La Dolce Vita will perform tonight at Mercury Lounge. In addition to lead vocalist and guitar player Imperioli--who made news earlier this month when a bomb went off outside his theater, Studio Dante, courtesy of an as-yet-unidentified lunatic looking for a little attention--La Dolce Vita features Elijah Amitin on bass and Olmo Tighe on drums. The band was formed a few years ago but has yet to release an album, preferring, at least for now, to hone its skills on the stage and generate a buzz for the right reasons--that is, because of its music rather than its famous frontman.

You might not think much of actors-turned-musicians (see Jared Leto, Russell Crowe and Keanu Reeves), but don't underestimate La Dolce Vita; the band has already killed it at a bunch of other shows, including a packed performance at Don Hill's, which is where I saw them perform. And for those of you who are really shallow and vapid and don't care about the music, tonight's show is still worth checking out, if only to scope the various "Soprano's" actors who ordinarily turn up to support their fellow cast mate.

Tonight's set is $10, and features an opening set by Death of Fashion at 9:30pm, followed by La Dolce Vita at 10:30pm. Click here for more details.

Perhaps you've heard about DRV-IN, the new drive-in theater on the Lower East Side. Though it's being touted (or is touting itself) as "Manhattan's only drive-in cinema," DRV-IN isn't quite the same as the drive-ins of yesteryear. Here's the gimmick: For $75, you and up to five of your nearest and dearest can rent the "theater"--a '65 Ford Falcon parked in front of a projector screen at 139 Norfolk Street. The catch? Um, it costs $75. Oh, and it's also technically indoors, so when the website says that films are enjoyed "Under starry skies and the foliage of a potted oak tree," what it actually means is "in a room decorated to make you feel like you're under starry skies" (though in fairness, the potted oak tree part is true).

DRV-IN opened on Monday, and will be holding two screenings per night (7pm and 10pm) of films from the 1960s to present day. All showings until September 30th are currently booked, but if you simply cannot wait until there's an opening, private screenings may be arranged via email (though you may need to take out a second mortgage to afford it).

If, like me, you would prefer to put your hard-earned $75 to good use, here's a much better plan: Rent "Dr. Strangelove" for $5 and spend the remaining $70 on getting tanked in the Lower East Side instead; by the time you get home and pop in the DVD, your head will be spinning so fast that you'll feel like you're in a car anyway.

(Photo courtesy of Grand Opening)

After attending a riveting performance of a friend's one-man play at Jimmy's No. 43 last weekend, I suddenly found myself sober, standing on a street corner with no specific plans, wondering, "What the hell does one do when the night's activity is over and it's only 9pm?" Oh, that's right--one drinks.

A friend of mine suggested heading toward Pianos, and even though I'm concerned that a small part of myself dies every time I go there, a much larger part of me needed a drink, stat, and the barkeep at Pianos can pour a Dewars and club soda (or five of them) as well as anyone.

Recently I've been spending a lot of time in L.E.S., and it's not just because I think Fat Baby is awesome (though it might be the best bar name anyone ever came up with, ever). It's because New & Notable bars are popping up each week on every block between Houston and Delancey, and part of my job is to know about them and then to go to them--from Spitzer's Corner to its slightly newer counterpart, The Blue Seats. The latter, a controversial take on the old-fashioned sports bar, recently set up shop on Ludlow Street, just across from Pianos, so I stopped in to check it out.