So long as Nelly has Pimp Juice and 50 Cent has Formula 50, I don't have a problem with Playboy jumping on the beverage bandwagon. Yes, the Hef monster is at it again, this time with Playboy Energy Drink, launching this spring. Per the press release:

With subtle notes of fruit and vanilla, this proprietary formula contains horny goat weed, ginseng and guarana extract, which have been known to stimulate the spirits of men and women.

Though the Playboy Energy Drink is not yet sold in the tri-state area, representatives tell us it will be soon, though no word on whether the drink will be available at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. We suspect not.

Either way, in keeping with the Playboy legacy, American men are expected to buy the new drink in bulk--not because it tastes so good, just because they like reading the labels.

The only thing better than absurd drinking paraphernalia is absurd drinking-game paraphernalia, and nothing says "I'm a douchebag" quite like carrying around an inflatable beer pong table. Which is exactly why the $45 Portopong will make the perfect holiday gift for that special frat boy* in your life. As with most alcohol-related products--like the booze belt, another real gem--the Portopong is entirely practical to haul around town, you know, just in case you find yourself back in college. Then again, if you carry both the Portopong and an air mattress around with you at all times, you can play beer pong whenever you want without ever having to worry about where you're going to pass out afterwards. Order now before the manufacturer jacks up the price due to overwhelming demand. Just kidding.   

*Contrary to the scene depicted in the photo, this is obviously not a toy for nerds, but rather for the quarterbacks who torment them. It's just that that photo was taken at a Yale tailgating party. Go figure.

Practical holiday gifts are for suckers. Here's what every true boozer wants for Christmas: the Malacca Flask Umbrella from Brigg. As noted yesterday by Urban Daddy, nothing makes you want to drink 100-proof alcohol quite like a dreary day, and thanks to the booze umbrella--the flask is contained in the handle--you no longer have to cozy up to a city park bench with a 40-ounce of Olde English just because you want a drink. Instead, for the low, low price of just 425 British pounds (roughly $850 U.S.), you can carry around a large, awkward wooden umbrella stocked with the high-class booze of your choosing and no one will ever be the wiser. And that sounds totally practical and cost-effective to us.